Goodbye, old friends

Today, Olive said goodbye to her pacifiers. We tried to make it a "right of passage" and celebration as much as we could. She's always been a paci-girl. There's been a strict rule since she was about 12 months old that paci's stayed in bed and were for sleeping times only. Every once in a while we'd grab one when she was really upset after getting hurt or something, but other than that, they were a sleepy time item. Olive had 3 paci's, one in her mouth and one in each hand while sleeping. Always 3.

We decided she was ready and old enough to understand, so we went for it.

After her nap today, she put her paci's in a baggie and off we went...

We went to Build A Bear Workshop. Olive walked up to the front desk and assured me she wanted to do this, "all by myself". She handed over the bag to the woman working (who clearly has seen this a million times!) and said, "you know some babies who need paci's?". I clarified that Olive was hoping she could pass the pacifiers on to a baby who might need them, since she didn't need them anymore. The woman was great and happily agreed, very enthusiastically. She then suggested we keep one paci to put inside the bear Olive chose to make. Olive thought that was a good idea, so off we went to choose a new "guy".

This is where I had to let go of my desire to control the situation, and allow Olive to choose the most garish stuffed animal in the entire place. I tried to point out some more "classic" options, but to no avail, "I want the pink bear!". OK, kiddo, whatever you want!

The unstuffed bear and the paci:

Helping stuff the bear by pushing the foot lever:

Putting in the paci:

Olive's new guy, whom she named.......Paci! Oh and she's holding some clothing options for Paci, these were scrubs ("like Daddy's!"), but we ended up with a different option (a pink fuzzy bathrobe, a pink purse, and pink bows for her hair - hello pink!):

Now this next part was a totally random but amazingly awesome meeting. The timing could not have been better to walk out of that store with her new bear, and see Dora walking by! It was like another extra special treat for Olive:

When we got home, Olive and Sam spent about an hour introducing Paci to all of the other guys:

I don't know if we have enough stuffed animals, we probably should get a few more:

And before dinner, Olive helped Paci feel right at home:

All of the above went well, no tears, and Olive seemed so proud. But we just had a tearful and sad bedtime with no paci's. She laid down in bed, was quiet while I sang a couple of songs and then suddenly said, "open it!" and handed me the bear. I explained that it didn't open and she said, "but my paci is in there!". Oh dear. We talked a lot, I made up a story about a Princess and how she started as a baby who needed a paci but then got older and didn't need it anymore. How the Princess did lots of big girl things like sleep in a big girl bed, use the potty and talk. She asked me to tell the story 3 more times (which I did) and then to make it into a song (which I did). She seems to have gone to sleep without much trouble.

I felt terrible about this all day. I felt anxious at the store, wanted to secretly ask for the paci's back. Why?? Because I was feeling what Olive didn't know to feel. Anxiety about letting go of something she has had every day of her life. I know she can do this, I know she can grow up. I just feel badly taking away something that has been a great way for her to soothe herself for so long.

We shall see what the night brings, my girl can do this, and so can I.